rlfj: Blog

Be careful what you wish for, because you just might get it! One of my readers wanted bonus points for coming up with Eloi as well as the Morlocks. I replied that you only get bonus points in that case for some good recipes for Eloi (The Morlocks ate the Eloi.) Wouldn’t you know it – he sent me a recipe for Eloi Chops, best served with mint jelly!

So, as I was busy laughing, I Googled “cannibal recipes” and found any number of websites. An appropriate comment was found under a recipe for Marinated Leg of In-Laws – “Preparing human flesh for consumption can be tricky. Knowing what seasonings and methods of cooking can be difficult but with this simple recipe guide you'll be serving your friends and family in no time.” And you thought it was just liver with fava beans and a nice Chianti.

Something to think about the next time your kids are giving you grief. Just show them some recipes, they’ll start behaving in no time at all! You won’t be known as a tender father, you’ll be known as a tenderizing father!

As to the story, well, for those of you who didn’t want Carl going into politics, sorry about that. I’ve been building in this direction for quite a while now. For those who wanted Carl to run for Senator or President, I think this is a little more realistic!

Now, a note for the ultra-realists in the audience. There is no Maryland Ninth Congressional District. Maryland only has eight districts, so I had to come up with one for Carl to run in. The Maryland Ninth is actually a fair-sized chunk of the real Maryland Sixth. Let’s see how it works out for Carl.

I had a very interesting email in response to the politics. The essence is as follows: Carl would never have run for Congress. With his bucks he could run for something big, like Senator or Governor. I actually considered some of these ideas, although I am not going to give any spoiler alerts. Let’s consider the alternatives:

President – The big enchilada! Forget it! Carl will never get either political party to consider a political novice for President. (This was long before Donald rode his golden escalator into history.) That leaves him to run as a third-party candidate, which has never worked in American history. If Carl wants to be President, his best shot is to first become:

Governor – Most people would be surprised to learn that more Governors have become President than Senators. So, if Carl wants to become President, he should first run for Governor. One minor issue, the Governor of Maryland at the time was William Donald Schaefer, who in 1990 was finishing his first term as Governor and about to run for re-election. To put it bluntly, Schaefer was the most popular and powerful Maryland politician of his generation, and Carl didn’t need to be a time traveler to know that. He had seen Schaefer as Baltimore Mayor already. Carl could have bought every ad slot on Maryland television for a year and still not been able to become Governor. Being rich hasn’t always succeeded buying a Governor’s mansion in the past. While it worked for George W. Bush, George Romney, and Mitt Romney, it failed for Thomas Golisano, Meg Whitman, and Al Checchi. So, since Maryland Governor is out, maybe Carl can run for:

Senator – This one might actually work. It would be expensive, but that is obviously not a problem for Carl. One minor problem though – in 1990 there were no Senate races in Maryland! The next race would be for Barbara Mikulski’s seat in 1992, followed by Paul Sarbanes in 1994. They were almost as popular as Schaefer was as Governor. It looks like Carl has to run for:

Representative – Funny how that worked out. In addition, if Carl starts as a Congressman, he might be able to leverage that up in the future. On the plus side, the House in the 1990s was one of the most dynamic places to be in government. Carl might have some fun. Let’s see how that works out.

And a final note – Goodbye to all the readers who are leaving. Several have written saying I have destroyed the story. I am not going to try and argue with them. If they don’t like politics of any sort, or don’t like Carl’s politics, or mine (not necessarily the same thing), I can’t convince them to keep reading. Carl has become incredibly prominent by this point. Politics are a natural choice, either on the main stage or behind the scenes. The only other choice would be to retire to the Bahamas and drink himself to death. Sounds lame to me. So, farewell, adieu, ta-ta, adios, sayonara, and au revoir. Try not to trash my scores on the way out the door. Thanks.

Carl is beginning to get political. If you don’t like that, fine, but you should stop reading. Just remember that this story was written in 2011-2012. The Republican Party and American politics are vastly different now.

I heard from the Tea Party about Carl. Carl isn’t a fiscal conservative. He is apparently a socialist, communist, liberal, or Democrat (take your pick). First things first – in 1987 there was no Tea Party! If somebody had said ‘tea party’ to Carl, it would have been one of his daughters inviting him to an imaginary tea party with their dolls and stuffed animals. Carl would certainly have joined that tea party!

In many ways I found the Tea Party an interesting, if strange, result of a number of separate things. First and foremost, of course, was the really desperate and screwed up financial situation the country was in. We owed trillions of dollars to China and other places, money we had no hope of ever repaying, and had deficits planned as far as the eye can see. This really fucked over the middle class. Their jobs and money went overseas, and there was a lot of pain left. Believe me, I felt that pain, too!

Second, we had a liberal president. Obama beat McCain not because of the strength of his arguments, but because Bush 43 was so incredibly unpopular and could be blamed for the economy and a couple of bad wars. Unfortunately, he radically misread his mandate. He thought people wanted a liberal, when they really wanted anybody but a Republican. Combine that with being black, an incredible number of people didn’t want him. Find yourself a Tea Partier who is white and only has a high school diploma (from what I can see, the vast majority of them, but that’s a separate topic) and get a few drinks in him; the racism comes out! ‘We have to get the nigger out of the White House!’ – unquote.

Carl is a fiscal conservative. He is an old school business Republican, the type of guy who is on the Chamber of Commerce, hates regulation, and isn’t real thrilled with his taxes, but likes a fair bit of what government provides, like cops and roads and bridges, etc. He isn’t all that socially conservative and is willing to work with others. He is smart enough to know that to get things done you will probably need to compromise – which is how you do things in business. This is one of the reasons the Tea Party and conservative base of the Republican Party don’t like him.

Carl is the kind of Republican that can’t understand the Tea Party and can’t figure out how to get them to do anything constructive. Look at John Boehner in Congress and you saw this type of business Republican. He couldn’t control his own party and didn’t understand them. Like a lot of us, he saw them complaining about Obama’s government-run health system and then complaining ‘Leave my Medicare alone!’ – and can only scratch his head at the reasoning.

I received a huge response to recent chapters, about half for the story and about half for the blog. That was about what I expected. Some really interesting responses. Some agreed with me, some disagreed (violently in a few cases), some were in the middle. One really good email (actually quite thoughtful) referred to the Tea Party as Morlocks (nice image there, bonus points for everybody who gets it!)

I did get a warning to stop any discussion of politics, since it will turn my readers off. I also got lots of emails from people who want Carl to go into politics. Anybody want to tell me how to write such a thing without discussing politics or getting political? We have, as Carl the mathematician would say, a mutually exclusive binary set.

I received lots of emails about crab cakes. Since my wife isn’t from Maryland and doesn’t like anything crab related, I can’t make crab cakes at home. Emails about the wonders of crab cakes are cruel and unusual punishment!

Despite Carl’s hatred of publicity, he seems to be becoming more prominent and well known. We’ll have to see how that plays out.

Just a few side notes on this chapter. Not all state colleges are party schools. The University of Maryland – Baltimore County is actually a pretty good school. It’s very good in the engineering and science fields, as is the main campus in College Park. Towson is quite good, as is Morgan State, which used to be the ‘black’ state school. Some of the other state schools are party schools, but you get that everywhere. Catonsville Community College really is known as USC or UCLA to a lot of the locals; a lot of Towson High’s graduates went there.

On a separate note, crab cakes are an excellent way to tell how good a Maryland restaurant is. They need to be fried or broiled, be firm and a little crisp, definitely not soggy, hold together well, and have plenty of Old Bay spice in them. Maybe I’m parochial, but the best are made on the shores of Chesapeake Bay. Yum-yum! The real Marilyn hates them, but I just don’t pay attention to her!

There have been a lot of comments on Marilyn lately. A few readers can’t stand her and a few more love her and want her to do more. As to why she doesn’t do more, let’s face it, she has a pair of 2-year-olds at home and no pressing need to get a job.

Chapter 87 is just absolutely normal stuff going on in people’s lives. Family and friends and kids and dog - normal stuff. Not much else to say. Some people will find it boring, but most of life is. More exciting stuff is in the offing.

Several people wanted me to somehow have Carl stop the Challenger Shuttle disaster. As I mentioned in an earlier blog, the idea that Carl can change these events is actually quite naïve. In most cases, the various disasters that occurred were quite well known and predicted at the time. The problem wasn’t in the knowledge of what could happen, but in the administrative response. The engineers knew full well that the Shuttle could blow but were ordered to launch anyway. The bombing of the Marine barracks in Lebanon was not a surprise; the Marines knew the bad guys were coming for them, but the State Department ordered them to be non-threatening and ignore Marine standard safety precautions. We routinely see these sorts of things happening. If Carl finds a pay phone and calls it in, nobody will believe him or care.

On the other hand, Carl should have foreseen that he couldn’t be anonymous forever. Fame is coming!